You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
