If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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