You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
