My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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