i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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