Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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