why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize