she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
