I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
