Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
