Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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