wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
