all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
