Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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