if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
