I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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