piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
