they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
