I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
