i just had sex bonerless
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
