i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize