I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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