did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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