Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize