..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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