did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
