he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
