I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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