Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
