woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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