I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
