Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
