I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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