How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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