Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
