Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
