I hope mine doesn't look like that
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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