What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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