to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
