Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
