we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize