just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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