why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
