Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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