she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
