I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
