She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
