Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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