Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
