i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
