cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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