she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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