Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
