come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
