but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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