watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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