And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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