It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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