Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I had to cum in my sink.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
