i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
