he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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