Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
