He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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