Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
