So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
