every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
