I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
