I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
