The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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