Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
