So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
