Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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