I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
i need some magic done to my vagina
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
