sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
