I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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