I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
