I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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