My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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