i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
