drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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