Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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