I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Randomize
