Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
