Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
