I want you more than these girls want KFC
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
