Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
