I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
