dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
