we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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