I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
