Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize