i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
