She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
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