sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
