She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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