Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize