I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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