can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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