I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
