This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
