My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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