Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
