i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
