So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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