ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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