i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
