I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
