Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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