I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize