whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Randomize
